Manifest Monthly: Healing in a State of Trauma
P.S. There’s a meditation, news, events, and more at the end of this post.
Content Warning: Police and Fear
Last Sunday, I was part of an incredible author talk at justBookish with the wonderful Sarah Kersey. One of the questions an audience member asked was about healing. I think it was something on the lines of “do we ever heal?” We talked for a while and Sarah mentioned that healing is cyclical, but somehow we levitate upwards to a greater sense of healing in the process. Someone talked about healing being like an onion, that there’s layers to it. I talked about healing as continually running into something but with a greater sense of being able to move through it. The conversation in itself was healing.
Later that evening, I drove home on the highway, and had an experience I am still processing, but feel compelled to talk about. In the dark of the highway, I noticed a car speed up behind me in my rear view mirror, I was in the fast lane so I promptly turned my blinkers on and moved to the right middle lane. The car quickly followed me, moving into the same lane right behind me. It was then that I noticed it was a state police vehicle.
Shortly after following me into the lane, the state police car moved back into the lane I was originally in, the fast lane. Their speed slowed as they drove alongside me, matching my speed. Following me from the far left lane. I glanced over and felt sick. I had a pit in my stomach. I thought of Sandra Bland, I thought of the quiet of the night. I thought of who’d tell my family if I were to die due to a police officer.
I immediately tried to think of something else. I told myself to not be dramatic, to drive. To focus. And I did and came up to my exit and put my blinkers on to get on the off ramp. The state police car seemed to lose interest in me and zoomed away. Some would call this disassociation. I call it surviving.
What can I say of this moment? Of the fear that crept up inside me. My sweaty palms. My tense body. What can I say of that night, where I felt so healed in the presence of poems and beautiful writers? What can I say of that healing and the trauma that followed?
I don’t yet have the words, yet when I told my therapist about it she called our current state one in which we are “healing in a state of trauma.” The trauma of being in fear of our lives, our communities, of being erased, killed, disappeared, reprimanded, punished. What does it mean to heal in a state of overt and continuous trauma? What does this do to the mind, the body, and the spirit? Perhaps just like healing, we are learning that the act of healing is imperative, yet continuous. That this act is one in which we must not only fight to be held, but we must continue to fight to be protected.
Meditation
This month’s meditation asks you to sit with what it looks like to fight for protection, and to find the safe spaces that are meant to hold and protect you. This meditation asks you to engage with the world around you, the people and communities that care for you, even amid an active force that wants to erase you. This mediation has two parts:
Write a list or draw a map of all the people, communities, places that make you feel safe. Perhaps it’s a garden, your car, a friend, a loved one. Name them and write or draw who they are onto paper.
Next write your commitments to ensure the safety of these people, communities, and places. Perhaps this means committing to text a friend once a week, or to donate to an organization, or to sit in a garden and thank the earth for allowing you to be there.
This meditation is a reminder to honor the sacred ability to find safety and peace. It’s a reminder that we must be intentional about honoring the privilege that safety affords us. We won’t always be safe, we won’t always be protected, but how can honor our responsibility to protect and care for others? Perhaps this act can be a balm for ourselves. Perhaps this act will save us.
News & Upcoming Events
I’ll be teaching a writing workshop for #NationalPoetryMonth as part of the Office of the Arts at Harvard University for students on 4/22.
I’ll be reading with some other Sundress Publications authors to celebrate #NationalPoetryMonth on 4/23!
I’m teaching a multi-week Advanced Poetry workshop at GrubStreet starting in June! Scholarships are available!
I’ve started sharing some section of my manuscript in-progress for paid subscribers, along with lots of other fun content. I hope you can check it out!
And if you didn’t hear, I’m now a:
FULL-TIME BUSINESS OWNER!
What started out with me providing creative services like photography and videography for events, organizations, and small businesses has now evolved to a strategic communications and marketing consultancy rooted in creativity, anti-racist frameworks, and community-driven principles. I work with clients to develop narratives, messaging, campaigns, and more to grow their impact, while also working with creative individuals to reach their artistic potential. Right now, I travel to facilitate workshops, build narratives for mission-driven organizations, and teach creative writing to students of all levels. I also coach and consult with creatives to help them reach their goals. Learn more on my website!
And don’t forget to mark your calendars for Sundress Publications’ Poetry Retreat happening in June! I hope to see you there virtually.
Beautiful Work in the World
Every Tree is a Mother, Every Mother a Tree by M Jaimie Zuckerman when I reach the opening of this essay: “When I think of my mother, when I try to see her in my mind, I can only see her hands. Though they must have been beautiful once, in my memory, her hands are gnarled roots” I was stunned. Please read the full essay and fall in love with Jaime’s writing.
How to Boycott with Low Energy by jnaydaily is such an important collection of ways to activate your activism while being a human. I hope it inspires you toward our collective liberation.
Thank you for reading.
Feel free to share these opportunities with a friend, or encourage a fellow creative to subscribe. Until then connect with me via Bluesky, Instagram, Email, and/or leave a comment below!
P.S. If you’re wondering if I moved Manifest Monthly to Substack, the answer is “yes!” Learn more in my first Substack post!